stormy--'s Diaryland Diary

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The Day where my allergies kicked my a$$

Hello. And welcome to my home office. Don't mind the clutter in the background. I've been trying to get rid of stuff (donate, hand off to other people, etc.... I don't just throw stuff away. I'm not a monster!!) so the area behind me looks a little disheveled. Don't worry. I'm working on it.

Speaking of disheveled.... I'm a hot mess today. I mean that literally and figuratively. #1 - It's hot as heck out there and twice as humid. Seriously, take one step outside and it feels like a hot, damp cloth hits you. Kind of like the devil himself spit in your face. #2 - I'm working on day two of bed head simply twisted up onto the top of my head in a weird looking bun, still wearing my jammie shorts and T, eyes red and super watery, and a super red and stuffy nose. This is what I referred to as the figurative hot mess (even though looking in my mirror it seems kind of literal to me). Hard to believe I'm single.

But, what do I know? This look could totally be someone's cup of tea. And if constant sneezing and whining each time I have to blow my nose turns you on give me a call. {wink}

Wait. I never answer my phone unless it's from my sister. So don't call. Hmm... I guess you'll just have to pine for me from afar. {sigh}

If you already haven't guessed I'm in a weird mood. Well, I'm kind of always weird (actually at this one place I worked at my boss called me weird to a coworker. "Nice but weird", were her exact words. She didn't know I heard and I didn't say anything. So my remaining time there was very awkward for me knowing that everyone thought I was weird.)

But back to my weird mood.... I'm kind of nervous about tomorrow. I have to take my car to my mechanic's to get my brakes and rotors changed. They've started squeaking (oddly it starts when I drive and stops squeaking when I press on my brakes). I knew it was only time that I had them done, so it wasn't a surprise. Plus I need an oil change.

But every time I have to get my car worked on - even for something as simple as an oil change - my anxiety spikes and I'm a nervous wreak. I was talking with my sister about this and I came to the conclusion that it's less about my car - because I know it's in good hands - and more about being stuck somewhere with no way of leaving.

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I have issues with anxiety and I have panic attacks. Even though I'm not ashamed that I have these issues, it would be embarrassing to be stuck in a public space, have a panic attack in front of strangers, and not be able to flee or at the very least find a private, comfortable spot where I can try to calm down and relax. Under normal circumstances out and about my car is that spot. But taking my keys and my car.... I shouldn't even be writing about it because I can feel myself getting all riled up again.

I should probably get busy and make myself something for dinner. I didn't have any lunch or breakfast (am I the only person who doesn't like eating much when it's hot outside??) so I'm a little hungry. I did munch on a couple handfuls of peanut M&Ms though. I know.... I know.... I'm just the picture of perfect health. But if peanut M&Ms are bad I don't want to be good.

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6:05 p.m. - 2020-05-27

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